I was never gay

The good people over at Made It Out podcast are asking the real questions. When I have acted on my same-sex attractions, it always left me with a bad feeling afterward. When they're not interviewing queer and lesbian icons like Lea DeLaria, Ashley Fighting comp het, one question at a time.

As politically incorrect as it is to say this, disappointment with gay life, gay relationships or with our experience in gay communities has been a key motivating factor for many of us. The gay world or at least gay Los Angeles in the late s greatly disappointed me.

Religious or spiritual faith and personal beliefs are strong motivators for most of us. I grew up in a Christian household and decided that I would give God one more chance. We value putting our faith first, over our sexuality. After 18 years of living a gay lifestyle, I had come to an end of myself.

SSA suggests an experience, not a permanent identity. But the lifestyle and my behavior were still driven by my deep insecurity and emotional neediness. Some examples:. There is not one single answer to that question.

I had tried everything else in order to make myself feel better and more connected. It was in a life of submission to God that I found my answer. But some of the things that motivate many of us are:. I wanted to live life as a man, not defining myself by whatever my sexual impulses may be.

It’s true that my parents were anything but bigots.

I Wish I Wasn’t : " While this feeling may seem contradictory on a

My religious beliefs cause me to see that there is something higher than myself, and if I want to be in line with that, then I should live the way that I believe will make me happy. The way to my happiness is through living in line with my personal beliefsreligion, and the lifestyle that I choose.

A strong desire to have a wife and children of our own — or to hold together a marriage and family we already had — is a significant motivator for many of us. Being in the gay life in Manhattan generated a rush of excitement that I initially mistook for self-fulfillment.

I eventually came to the conclusion that gay relationships were never going to be fulfilling for meand I wanted to find another alternative. Nothing worked. Growing up gay was terrible for many, but for some reason—another roll of the dice—I was spared the misery many experienced.

Not all gays go to Pride. The people who claim to have "cured themselves" from being gay usually claim to have stopped with the "gay lifestyle" - guess what, there isn't such a thing. Deep dissatisfaction with the gay lifestyleand a desire to live a physically and emotionally healthier life, motivated me to change my life.

I did not like anything about who I was and where I was going. (But plenty of people with families like mine were scarred by the experience.) I never had problems at school; the tall gene surely helped in this sense. It implies a set of feelings, not a way of life.

He is what motivates me to live the life I live now — a life based on biblical principles, honoring God and serving other people. I want to live as the man God had created me to beat peace with his desires, and at peace with other men and women.